new boots.

my addiction to shoes is no secret around here, so get used to it. ha! i have found the BEST place ever to buy shoes. these gorgeous boots above are on sale for the mere price of $25.00. yes you read me right. they are made of all synthetic material for all of you vegans out there and they look great. they do not in anyway look like cheap boots. i've gotten about 5 pairs of shoes with them. please go check out their site. having a shoe porn fetish is hard in this economy, but not with gojane. http://www.gojane.com/ check it. xxx t

falling stars.

so brian and i were on our way out to his show and this star was hanging out on the sidewalk. gotta love hollywood. we find so much random stuff around here. and....as i promised i got an outfit pic. i'm sorta regretting the shorts. i'm sort of over them. the show was good except for the fact that they didn't go on until about 1am and everyone had pretty much left. i love seeing them play though. i don't like live bands much, but i really dig them and could actually see them going somewhere. and i'm not being biased, i swear. (=; today has been an extremely eventful day! i have been on a "rachel zoe" marathon. it really makes me glad that i am out of that industry. as much as i love fashion and i loved being a stylist it was literally killing me and it's just not worth it. i will stick to creating in my spare time for now and getting myself well so i can first and foremost get my inspiration back and then start "living" my life again. i am missing out on too much. although i really do feel like i have lived a full and exciting life. i had my dream career, i've met and worked with people and been places people would die to meet/see. sometimes i really feel like my life has been a surreal experience. i have been very blessed. and now my goal is to relax as much as possible, move to mexico and enjoy time with my husband, family and friends.

absence makes the heart grow fonder.

i know. i know. all of my ten thousand readers are growing desperate in my absence. i haven't written, because i really have nothing to write and i haven't posted any outfits because i've been walking around naked for the past week. well that's not true. in all actuality i have no way to take my outfit pic, so for now you will just have to wait until i come up with a solution. oh stop the oohhs and ahhhs. it won't take that long. maybe, just maybe i will get a pic tonite. because.....drum roll please. i am going out tonite. yes i am going to see brian's  band "the spaceship martini" play. i know you are all in shock at this news but it is the truth and i will get pics just to prove it to you! auf wiedersehen for now my loves. xxx t okay a quick glimpse into my outfits(?) the last couple of days.   p.s. all girls need these. they drive the boys crazy!

back to myself.

she bleeds and all is well. So, i've had a lot going on this last week. my grandmas "celebration of life" which went really well, i'm glad it's over because i feel like i can move on now. my dad and my step-mom elizabeth left on saturday and i have been hanging out with my mom for the past couple of days. i came really close to having to go to the emergency room on sunday, but didn't. thank god! yesterday my mom and i went to our special place together...the coffee bean! i do have to say that i am more of a starbucks girl these days but when my family is around we are all about the bean. after that we brought a coffee to brian and continued our journey  to sephora, another one of our "special" places. yay! i do still have to really emotionally prepare myself and take a klonopin to enter the mall, but i did it. we then went to my aunt jo's house and visited with my grandma for quite a while which was really great. i love her so much. she adores brian and kept asking when he was going to be there. he finally showed up three hours later and we all hung out. fun with the family. there is no other way i would rather spend my day. so all is well in my world. i hope everyone else is having a splendid day.

pms and dexedrine.

i know what you're thinking. how do pms and dexedrine fit in the same sentence. well, they don't really unless both have made their way into your day. just in case you all want to know i am 38 years old. i have been diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome and panic disorder. i don't really believe in being "diagnosed" but i do have panic attacks and i am extremely fatigued and have most of the symptoms. i don't know where i'm going with this so bare with me. okay, my life lately has been very sucky, to say the least. not to say that i don't have a lot of gratitude because i do. but....i have fallen back into this depression that i was just beginning to come out of after nine years. let's just say i'm extremely frustrated. between panic and fatigue there is not a lot i can do. it's a very trapped feeling. my dad and my step mom elizabeth arrived the night before last to stay with brian and i for four days. this is really exciting, except for the fact that i have spent the last two days cleaning and with chronic fatigue the smallest bit of  action can keep me down for days. so yesterday we all walk down to get some breakfast at this local crepe place we really like. all was well, i was feeling great, we were sitting at the table eating and suddenly IT hit.  this IT is the dreaded pms or pmdd. okay a little history of this. when i turned thirty when i fell into that depression i started cutting myself and was extremely suicidal. as i just said this only recently started getting better. well....this is the lame part. it took me about six years to figure out that the cutting and depression was associated with pms. duh! i get so depressed i really would rather end my life than feel this way. okay so we are sitting there and it hits. right on time about 4 days before the flow begins. i'm now tired and depressed. so i come home and someone offers me a dexedrine to wake me up and hopefully make me feel a little better. i didn't really know what it was so i looked it up on the computer. okay it's a type of speed basically, but it doesn't interact with any of my other meds and i was told that it wouldn't make me feel shaky or panicky so i pop it. BIG MISTAKE! it not only did all of the above, but it made me panicky and feel like i wanted to crawl out of my skin for 14 hours. finally at about 7 in the morning, not having slept and going crazy i decided to look up the drug again. it's not only dexedrine but it's TIME RELEASE!!! i was in hell. so i finally fell asleep at about 8:30 in the morning for a couple of hours. does this drug really work for others? is my body just extra sensitive? i did have the fear about taking it because coffee makes me crazy too. anyway the moral of the story is don't take this pill. as you can also tell, i am all over the place. this is also a symptom of cfs that they call brain fog. the pms was so bad last nite that i started bawling in the middle of a conversation with my family. my dad did some healing work on me which got me ultra dizzy, it always does. after that we walked out onto the lawn barefoot which in the middle of hollywoood is a little disconcerting. i let all of the negative energy release through my feet into mother earth and dad called upon my administering angels and i felt a weight lift. not a huge weight. but i didn't have the desire to cut myself anymore and the anchor in my stomach and tightness in my chest was somewhat lifted. thank god for my dad. seriously. i can't wait until i get myself well enough to heal others. i have been told by many energy healers that i am a clairvoyant and i just need to tap into it. also that i could be a great healer, that could ultimately be my gift. what a blessing that would be! fashion of the day: on our four block walk to the crepe place i got a little fancified with: skinny high waisted blue jeans, white aa tee and this amazing tweed chanel jacket, which was my grandmas, also the good old chanel glass necklace. love. i will post some pics of us. can't really see the outfit, sorry fashion peeps.

Starting Over....

me.

i have tried this blog situation before and it lasted one day. in fact I went to post my second blog in 4 months and I couldn't even remember the name of my blog, therefore having to create another one. this is the nature of me. i could sit here and tell you that I will be more "on" it this time, but that's too much pressure for me.

so a little background info on me.

1-raised in utah

2-moved to l.a. when i was eighteen to attend fashion school.

3-worked in the "industry" for approximately eighteen years doing styling and costume design for magazines, movies, tv shows and commercials.

4-i haven't worked in over a year for a number of reasons. 1: i'm sick of it. 2. i have been dealing with this panic disorder situation and also chronic fatigue syndrome, which traps me in many ways. 3. i have back pain, that makes it almost impossible to schlepp around clothing all day.

5-i married my best guy friend of 20 years four months ago. i never thought i would get married let alone to him, but i did and it was the best decision i have ever made.

6-i absolutely adore my friends and family.

7-i just lost my grandmother who was like a mother to me.

8-i don't capitalize.

9-i am a constant work in progress. this being the primary reason for this blog.

i hope that if anyone reads this they will be able to take something from it. i will warn you now this is going to be an outlet in many ways. creatively and also for rants, which could be quite fun!